I can do this
It's hard to let yourself go through this. And to just feel it. You don't want to. But when you fight it and shove it back - when you think it's gone but it's not, it's actually in the corner of your bedroom or hiding in your closet or it's under your bed and it's turning into a monster. A demon that swallows you up and eats you. Until it over takes you. Then there's no you. There's just... meh.
It's hard. Crazy. Like, how do I get through this? How do I stop myself from sinking under without depriving myself? Without burying it and making it bigger?
Maybe there are some people out there who can put a smile on and make it look like they're not breaking, but I'm not built like that. I have to break. And I've been broken so many times that sometimes I wonder if I'm fully healed. But you know if you break a bone it heals back stronger. And maybe because I've been broken so many times, maybe I'm stronger. Maybe what I'm feeling now, won't feel so bad later. Maybe I can do this.
I can do this.
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